I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
