So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
