you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
