The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
