how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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