Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
