I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
