His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
