From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
pray to the hookup gods
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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