i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
