I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
