Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
