is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
