Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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