oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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