um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
