You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
