My nipple is on Facebook.
I cannot find my penis.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
