I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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