my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
