Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
third nipple confirmed
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
