he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
