it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
