Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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