How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
