who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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