What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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