Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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