remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
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