im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
