I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
