she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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