quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
