Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
