I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
