there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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