dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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