i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
