And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
