Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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