i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
