So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
