My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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