glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
