Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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