Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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