i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
