How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
