I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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