i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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