Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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